gonna make this short, cos im going out soon.............

i am in love.............wif my car..............and wif nat king cole songs...............i think he's the greatest ballad singer EVER.......
alrite, i may have more testosterone than most but dat doesnt mean i dun enjoy love songs also.................and no, im not trying to be that sorta, hard on the outside and soft on the inside type of person..............im hard through and through........yea man...........im beating my chest now like a neanderthal...........it hurts...........nat king cole sings great love songs.............

y the sudden interest? cos i was watching a movie wif some friends yesterday and during the 'akan datang' portion, the trailer for 'laws of attraction' came on.............and they were playing nat king cole's 'Love' in the background..............and it suddenly reminded me how much i used to love listening to his songs while i was a kid in my dad's car.............yea.........nat king cole rulez pple.............he rulez..................and im on a nat king cole mp3 frenzy now.................yea baby~~~~

ive just checked my mail...........and all see in my inbox now is spam, spam and more spam..........as much as i find them extremely a waste of time to read and troublesome to delete, there are a few which have managed to induce a few laughs also...............

example, exhibit A............a razor for women who want the shaved look...........actually, i jus wonder whether it's the women who want it more or the men who want it of them..............anywayz, yea..........according to the ad, "painless~! no bumps~! it removes the thickest hair and yet is so sensitive to the skin. easy to manouvere."

dun ask me what im doing wif such an ad in my inbox..........i have no idea also...........spammers amaze me.......if i knew, i would probably be female.......and shaved..............

on to other things, anyone noticed how the news likes to show the different sexes on tv by focusing only on the crotch or the butt? and sometimes also the chest.............though i think they do the butts more cos the chest would jus be plain lewd.........

im not sure abt this yet, but i think a woman is less offended if a man stares at her butt instead of her chest..........i dunno.........ladies help me out here..........this is something new..............though this doesnt mean u guyz can go gluing your eyes on a girl's ass................it's bad for u................physically and mentally..............physically cos ya gotta start straining your eye muscles to point downwards................mentally cos it's hard to reprogram a breast man into a butt man................it could lead to a man with lost identity dangerous to women i.e. groping hands.........everywhere.......up down left right, u name it, he's got it covered..............

breaking news~~~~
my pimple has burst~!!!!! pimples rather.........2 of them..........one singapore, the other, kuwait..........both produces pus like how both refines and produces oil.............

yep..........it left behind a crater the size of singapore.............this isnt bad tho.............u know how some pple are quite insensitively described as having a moon face? well............fortunately, my face isnt the moon...........but there was a time when i had the moon on the side of my face...........yea...........picture one huge pimple with craters and more pimples on it.....yea...........my experience with pimples is vast beyond your imagination...........and it shows...........i would bet the mars rover would get lost on my face..........either that, or get stuck in craters..........better still, get flipped over by once believed dormant 'volcanoes'.........

things arent that bad actually...........actually the zits have toned down alot since i quit the cigarettes and started to watch my diet alittle.............the word here is ALITTLE.........i have started to watch my diet A-L-I-T-T-L-E...............so dun judge me when u see me eating ter kah during lunch.............i jus love em..........cant stay away from them..........the edible kind....not those that u see leaving pot holes along orchard road...........ok lah..........im mean.........live wif it...........

anywayz, wat else is new? let's see..........was talking to my dad abt the joachim kang case...........for those not in the know, the guy embezzled quite a sum of money from his catholic church..................ok, the next part's not gonna be easy to swallow for some.........so if u think u can take my blunt words, read on...........

i read some of the stuff said by the pple..........and there are some really.........how shld i put this nicely...............dumbass?.....moronic?........brainless?..............farking stupid?...............errrr...........ok lah...........'nice' pple out there...............i mean..........there was this lady, helluva rich, who gave the bugger $800,000 as church funds, to use at his OWN DISCRETION.............$800,000~!!!!! at his OWN DISCTRETION.............i mean which dumbass person does that?!?!? and never mind, get this......this moron was an accountant............yea...........she's a friggin accountant and she does this sorta thing to a person not even family..............and here's wat she said, "i have complete trust in him. what happens to the money is btwn god and him." how in the world did she end up being an accountant?!?!?! like i said, she's a real nice person.........

one thing ill say tho...........this joachim kang is as much a blardy ass as he is a smart ass.............y?

first of all, the blardy ass part.............after being sentenced, he said his conscience was clear...........yea rite.........u r a friggin religious leader.............dun say this sorta bullshit for pple to hear lah..............ought to be shot.............stinking son of a bitch..............many pple say wat he did is btwn god and himself...........yea...........if that's the case, god probably asked him to take the money..........and when asked how god communicated with him........he would say he heard voices........better yet, he sees dead pple..........then i would wonder who he worships actually...........

next is the smart ass part.............yea, joachim kang is one smart ass.............think there would be some who would agree with me that by confessing, he would end all the hoo ha and jus serve a short sentence before coming out to live life as a rich elderly man...........yea, he'll probably leave some money to be recovered by the authorities, but he would most probably have some stashed elsewhere.............i mean, look at it.........serve 7.5yrs.........then come out with maybe half of the money still stashed.............and a man who has the capability of embezzling such an amount most probably would have anticipated such a scenario...............

when he said the pple must understand the reasons behind why i am confessing. it is to bring an end to the suffering of others in this episode................

yea, and so he can jus blow off the whole thing and enjoy his money without any more scrutiny on his future lifestyle..........and the pple who believe he's doing good.....................time to wake up and smell the roses lah................dumbasses.............

alrite............i need cash.........i need lotsa cash...........i need tons of cash..............y? cos i wanna buy many many things..........mainly for my wife..........new coilovers, new wheels, a strut bar, a tie bar, new brake rotors, new calipers, new brake pads, steel braided brake hoses, a cold air intake, a new header, a new exhaust system, new spark plugs, new spark plug cables, an air-fuel controller, new bumpers, a new paint job, new headlights, a carbon fiber hood, lightened pulleys, new taillights.............basically, a new car.............and a kick ass one at that.............dun wan no puny little runt wif a 1inch penis for an exhaust...............i want a car with an exhaust the size of a elephant's 5th leg.........

every night, i sit in my room, i can hear the sound of a turbo-charged beast charging up slope at the main road..........and the satisfying sound of its blow off valve..............there are a few things in life that are music to my ears.........
1. the 'psssshhhhh" of a blow off valve
2. screeching tyres of a car going round a bend
3. the deep bass of a good exhaust system
4. and many others

but...........i think the number one fave sound of all time..............the scream of a VTEC engine going down the road.........it's absolutely intoxicating..................

anywayz, on to other things..............recently ive learnt something new..............do u know that sneezing 10x a day equals to an orgasm? yea........it seems the amount of endorphins released when u sneeze 10x equals to the same amount when u orgasm................yea..............

so here's a tip for the guyz trying to please your ladies..........if ya cant bring em off before they pop your clutch, u might wanna think of using pepper to release your girl's blow off valve...........and if u aint getting any action dat nite, use the pepper on yourself................that way you can save on fuel............

ahhhhh............typed a whole lot of philosophical stuff abt the difference btwn a want and a need only to delete the whole lot away................lazy lah...............squeezed my brains for a good 2hrs for a paper im quite sure i will fail.........so now im pretty much spent...............

good thing is, i finally got a taste of the hols again.............the extreme bumming around for a whole evening and letting the tv screen burn images on my retinas over and over again....................god i miss that feeling..............with all the stuff to worry abt during the sch sem, it felt so good to let go...............cant wait for the last 2 papers to be over and done with......

thinking abt it, i probably wouldnt get such a luxury on such a regular basis when my studies are over..........the working life isnt exactly a picnic..............but then again, if the office girls are cute...............life isnt so bad after all...............and i get to earn my own keep too...........financial liberation....................ahhhhh................the sweet smell of money...........

oh yea, forgot to mention.............i put up some linkz on the side

take the "how evil are you?" test...............turns out im 51% evil.............so dat makes me............jus a little bit more evil dan good.............heheheheeee..............beware.............

this is gonna be another long day...............3.5hrs before the start of my first paper.............and 7 days to the 'unofficial' end of my exams.................exciting isnt it? farney how things get so monotonous as time goes by............each sem turns more and more routine...............remember feeling all the anxiety attacks before the papers during my first sem at ntu.............freaking out every single minute before and during the papers..........now.............i feel...............peace...........inner peace..............rather im more distracted than calm..............and wat can distract a man more than..................women~!!!

was watching episodes 8,9 and 10 of the OC last nite..............and i think ive found taste for women with short hair...........actually it's been a while...........but i think ladies who can carry off a short crop are diamonds in the rough..........which actress made my head turn so much? samaire armstrong.............saw her debut in episode 3 of the OC, and she left quite an impression..........

here's her fan site
http://www.samaire-armstrong.com

seriously, how many women actually look really really good in a really short hairstyle? better still...........find me a girl who is actually willing to go really short.........most lament even when their hair fall off..............and isnt the long hair sadako look getting boring? yea, mybe waves and bangs are in...........but..........it's still long hair...................think short hair is kinda fun too...........shows attitude and confidence...........all in all, it gives individuality................

yea.............and the good thing abt short crops, not everyone can pull it off.............so i dun think there'll come a time when we'll see it everywhere like the long hair styles we see everywhere now.............for those who think u cant carry off a short crop, either go botak or leave your hair..............nah.............dun even go botak, singapore would flood if all of u went botak...........and trust me, it would be a mess of tears and hairs.............

think today would rank as one of those really bloggy days...........couldnt resist a 3rd post..........jialat, turning into a blogging addict.............wat to do? studying does this to a person............studying is detrimental to a person's well being..........anywayz on to the last a most probably final post of the day.............

think at the end of the exams, i would have found the occupation for the rest of my life..............to be.........a ball of fat........seriously, ive eaten more today than any other day so far.............cup noodles after lunch, bao after dinner.........if this keeps up, ill probably turn into a lard ball in no time...............think i gotta start exercising.........

since ive already done up a post on the world's current affairs this morn, i think now the only thing left for me to write abt would be the really impt things that are happening in the world today............namely, the size of my pimple...........oh i forgot, the world doesnt revolve ard me.............who cares, this blog REVOLVES ard me, and i tell it where and when to stop revolving and go the other way................

got this really huge son of watever on the side of my face.............think it's due to the recent late nites............see wat studying does to u? it destroys the most impt thing u hold dear in your life.............your friggin face...............think abt it.........which part of your body do u care for the most?

cant believe the weather, it's too damn hot to do anything.............half the time today was spent trying to save my sweat.......think im running low on it............now im sitting in front of my sis' pc with a huge fan blowing at my side........and im still bloody sweating................ill start sweating blood soon if this keeps up............

anywayz, past few dayz ive been stuck wif this great dilemma............it's something that would have a great impact on my life and the one whom i think i love the most.............i have talked to some frens abt it............and they encouraged me to go ahead..........they said it's worth a try...............but then, im afraid of being rejected............and there's a risk that things would turn out bad..............i might get terribly hurt in the process...............but there's also a chance that things will turn out great for the both of us.........

haiz............decisions decisions decisions............shld i? or shldnt i? shld i join the nissin cup noodle eating challenge? i mean, $3k for the 1st prize, $2k for the 2nd and $1k for the 3rd.............and all i have to do is eat the most number of nissin cup noodles in 15mins.............and even $1k is a fair amt of money..........enuff to buy a set of new wheels and tyres for my 'wife'..................of course i run the risk of getting extremely sick in the process.........how leh? how leh? ive timed myself before.............1 cup w/o the soup took me less than 2mins...........think wif a cooler soup would take me abt 3mins..............so how? how how how how how? decisions decisions decisions.............haiz.............still gotta go thru prelims first then finals............haiz..............

i jus finished flipping thru the papers..........and didnt want to wait till i forgot abt it before i entered my piece on it here........well........let's just say the papers seem more like the funny pages nowadays.............the way things are being reported..............

i dunno if the journalist was trying to report the news as it really is or trying to be funny..............example, the recent collapse of nicoll highway...............the article contained bits of experiences by commuters...........and the journalist did a "report it as it is" on wat was said by the pple being interviewed.........a housewife in an apartment block thought the loud explosion was due to the national day parade rehearsal. so she asked her husband to bring their son to the balcony to take a look. and her husband's reply, "National Day rehearsal your head. Get out of the bathroom so we can go downstairs." i hope for her sake she has a nice figure......

somehow i just feel that this would be perfect for a tv reality series, but not for the newspaper............i would think the journalist would have the sense to do abit of content filtering........this paper will be sold outside of our country......and it doesnt reflect well on our pple's image.........

and from that to the stupid things pple do during a crisis..........one money changer grabbed 2 things when he evacuated a nearby building...........his handphone...........and his cordless phone................duh~!!!!!! you already grabbed your handphone rite? y would u need a cordless phone?!?! and never mind that, how would u expect your cordless phone to work that far out from your store?!?!?! if u had the time to grab things, wouldnt it first be your id stuff and then your handphone? y a cordless phone??!

oh i know...........he must have watched too many reruns of miss singapore universe 2001..........in case of an emergency, bring your handphone so u can use it's radiation to attract attention for help..........and he probably thought the cordless phone may help boost the strength of the radiation, OR allow him to call and console himself..............for wat, i dunno.......nonsensical pple do nonsensical things..................

here's something that i think happens to at least 10% of the world's population at one time or another..........it's when u turn a certain age and your parents or relatives start asking that *wink wink* *nudge nudge* question during family gatherings or during weddings, "So..........When's it your turn?" or something close to that..........

well, im proud to say that ive been involuntarily admitted into this exclusive elite club..............by my own mother..........and she did it no frills style...........straight out of the blue..................this is wat happened:

me: *walks into room and sits down in chair beside mother*
mother: *reading a book*
me: *starts to open my mouth to ask something*
mother: "When are you going to find a girlfriend?"
me: *mouth open*

i was totally totally caught off guard.............at least she could have nudged a little, winked a little or something.............she even left out the "So........"..........but it's doesnt mean that i havent given this question any thought before.............so when am i getting one? dunno leh................am i supposed to blush now? customary ah? ok lah.........*turns beet red*.........happy?

seriously tho, i believe in fate...........and fate comes in many forms and ways.............so when u least/most expect it, she/he'll be there..............so wat am i doing now? absolutely nothing...........im happily waiting..............im a guy........and im still young.............even then, age is normally not a factor for men..............i'd like to believe in my small little personal world that im "Absolutely hot and sexy everywhere" *add british accent*...............call it self consolation? maybe. call it self denial? maybe. call it sad? screw u.

i guess to me getting a girl shares the same priority as doing well in my studies...........which is just a notch lower than staying happy and building my character..........true, having someone to be with brings alot of happiness..........but at this point in time, in this day and age, i think the whole gf bf thing is over rated...........pple put too much emphasis on it...........i guess one can argue that pple are social creatures and this has been going on since men started bonking women on the heads for sex.....ok, reasonable...........some might say im just jaded, sour grapes.............ok loh, up to u............your brain wat, not mine...........it's a reflection of wat u would be if u were in my shoes...........and den again, if u were in my shoes and i were in yours, u would understand my reasoning...............and i still wouldnt understand yours cos then my brain would be too small..............

come to think abt it, the last relationship i had was...........abt 4yrs ago..........wow..........how time flies.............yea, 4yrs might seem eternal to some...........short to others...........but, like i said........why count? if she/he comes along and things are cool btwn the 2 of u, den jump on the whoopee cushion and start making whoopee...............but dun let it bug u if he/she doesnt come along...........it's as good as tying yourself down mentally to needless worries.............

this next one is gonna be lame.........but i jus had to put it in............hhahahahaaa.............
think i speak for many guyz out there when i say that ONE of the great things abt a relationship is making whoopee.......

alrite...........this was supposed to my birthday blog update...........but then...........i forgot the time............aiya.......basically birthdays have become kinda forgettable for me..............i mean..........it's getting boring.........monotonous...........routine........the things i look forward to on my birthdays are the stuff that i wanna do........and those depend mainly on wat i have not done for a while..............den when i finally do them on my birthday......they bcome done.............and im left wif one less thing to do.............isnt it boring...........

for example..........breakfast..........ive not had a proper 7 or 8am breakfast in dunno how many years, probably longer dan the time it takes to grow from diapers to shorts..........im talking abt a real breakfast wif food and not just a cup of water or milk.............the word breakfast has all but disappeared from my dictionary and nearly non existent in my stomach's top 10 meals of the day..............

and they tell me breakfast is the most important meal of the day...........oh really..........and wat happens if i miss it? i get hungry? wow.........now that's something new..........so if im hungry when i wake up, dat makes the next meal i that i take, breakfast..............so wat happens if i wake up at 11am? and eat at 12pm? is that breakfast or lunch? it cant be brunch.....cos brunch is btwn breakfast and lunch..........and lunch is defined as the meal u take after breakfast.........so if the first meal i take after waking up in the morning is breakfast.............wat is the meal i take after i wake up in the afternoon? but then..........y the dilemma? there's only one word to describe it all...........food..........

the next thing that i wanna do but havent done satisfyingly for a long time is to sleep for 12hrs through the nite until breakfast or lunch or watever u wanna call the meal i take after waking up..............seriously.........if someone could jus turn off the sun for a day...........ill be eternally grateful.........and turn on a nice cool breeze too..........the world needs to laff more.........and we all need to have longer nites...........there are so many nice things to do in the nite.........namely...........sex...........sleep..........more sex..........cruising the highway...........more sex.............sleep..........u know wat i mean...........sure u can shag in the day..........but the atmosphere is always best at nite.............it's cooler too.............so when a cool breeze blows on bare skin, headlights shine..............and all things seem bright and clearer too...............it's a sign...........

there are things i dun really like abt birthdays tho...........PPLE WISHING U HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NITE............i appreciate it, it's a nice gesture.........thnks to all who do it...........but...........birthday boys need sleep.........and i often attempt to do the 12hr sleep thingy on my birthdays...........and the bright screen on my handphone does not help very much.............so..........if possible could u guyz save the birthday wishes until the next day? and i dun mean 12am, 1am, 2am.........i mean 12pm, 1pm, 2pm..............thnks..........

considering all the above stuff.............i would think that ive never had a fulfilling birthday...........and probably never have one..............y? simple..............if i wanna do fun stuff in the dark on my birthday......i wun be able to sleep 12hrs through the nite...........and if i do the 12hrs sleep, i wun be able to wake up for a proper 7/8am breakfast..........i mean, it wouldnt make sense for me to eat, shag and sleep all at the same time.............sleep and shag at the same time i think it's still possible........but eat and shag? either u puke everything out when she's on top, or u get a stomachache going missionary...........doggy style? dun think she would appreciate anyone using her back as an eating table...........

anywayz, to end it all...........i think it's really nice of the tv station to start advertising the new t-shirt bra on my birthday..........but..........im not really interested in the bras..........could they show something else? or maybe wear something else........or something less?

can i gripe abt the heat again?
yea......it's still farking hot.........and i made the stupid mistake of shifting the fan to my study area.........so now im typing this in my oven of a room.............logic behind it? so i will start treating my study area like a second home at least for the next 2wks or so...............

anywayz, i jus had a thought.........about y men and women exist.............while studying digital communications...........dun ask wat's the link.............if i knew, i wouldnt be taking exams in the first place..............

i believe in the existence of a thing called balance............or to put a more cheem word........moderation........nah.....balance sounds more profound...........so.............balance.............men and women balance each other out..........in fact, everything has an equal and opposite element to balance it................basically, it's just to say, a person can never have too much of a good thing..................too many sweets make you sick.........yea, u get the idea...........

take sex for an example........ya, my world revolves ard those few stuff and sex is one of them so if i wanna make use of it as an example, i will..........cos y? it's my blog.........and also cos of the friggin heat..........
anywayz, why izit dat humans were made such that their sex drives kinda wanes and dies off when they grow old? cos of balance...........when we grow old, we cant be shagging like rabbits like we do now when we are young....our bodies jus cant take it.........tho the government would love it..........but most importantly, i think our libidos die off mainly due to the "ick" factor...........no one would EVER want to know that their grandpas and grandmas are still going abt it like rabbits in the middle of the nite...................yea.......there are many going ons far scarier than the things u imagine go bump in the middle of the nite.............

but then of course, we humans, we like to screw around with things (yes, pun intended)...........we came up wif viagra, wif cialis, wif miracle drugs dat give men longer lasting boners even when we suffer from muscle atrophy or erectile dysfunction..............oh yea...........ED will no longer exist...........it'll be like smallpox.............eradicated...........cos there'll be traces of miracle drug passed on to future generations due to viagra induced pregnancies...........

bcos of our screwing around............both ways meant..............there comes the imbalance..............ever heard of the number one oxy-moron (an oxy moron is a combination of 2 words wif clashing meanings) "civil war"? here's the number 2,"horny geriatrics"..................u see........like i said before, women prefer older men...........and in the past, we the younger guyz at least have the one thing the older men din have............no............not stamina...........first of all, you need a boner...........and the old guyz din have dat in the first place~!!!! and now...........there's viagra........and the whole table jus flipped 180.............it's like antartica turned into a desert.............

so wat answer do we have for it? actually there is nothin humanly possible.............first of all wat's the prob? we need to be older to get women our age.............how? look older? we cant~!!! we have out done ourselves by inventing botox~!!!

but then~!!!!! wait wait wait.............nature always finds its way.............balance always prevails...........so nature and it's handy little tool called evolution...........came up wif...............no...........not accelerated ageing.........smarter women.......y? think abt it.............women hook up wif dying old richer men.........and either divorce them b4 they die, or get all the money aft they do..............den..........they go looking for younger toy boys which mean..........us........the younger guyz.........and we get the money showered on us.............then we.............use the money........to find younger women..........sure we dun get women our age, but like i said..........balance..............we might not get exactly wat we want.........but we do get something else good too.............it's balance all over again too...........shag older woman, not so fun, but we get money.........shag younger woman but lose money................wat can i say...............balance.............it's THE word.........

THIS WEATHER IS A BITCH~!!!!!
it is farking hot in the house..........and i cant study bcos of the farking heat~!!!!
it's just a farking bitch~!!!!! managed to squeeze out a meager 3hrs of study out of the whole farking day.........it's simply just too hot to do anything else except shagging................it's almost like, "summer is here~! let's all throw on some condoms and hop into bed to 'surf the waves'~!!!"...................

it's jus too hot..........but then, there is a good side to things.........i washed my car in the morn...........so at least the weather is holding up long enuf for me to admire my baby in all her shiny glory..............kinda like an all oiled up nude model..........it's the heat i tell u~!!! it's the farking heat~!!!!!

seems like everything i look at now, my mind conjures up images of flames..........roast chicken........roast chicken............more roast chickens...........if u dun get it, you r just slow...........cant wait for nite to fall.........at least ill get some work done and stop day-dreaming abt oiled up nude models............or hot, sweaty, wet..............roast chickens..........
the heat is driving me and my nutz nutz~!!!!!

i had a dream last nite...........i dreamt that my sister and i decided to take a trip down to malaysia.........to buy dried cuttlefish...........isnt that interesting?

y dried cuttlefish? to eat lah..............u can make good soup wif dried cuttlefish.............porridge too.........throw in some "pi dan" and "not so dried" cuttlefish and u get one of the greatest dishes known to the human person...........yea........one of the food elite.............

anywayz, back to the dream..........after deciding to take a trip to malaysia to buy dried cuttlefish.........my sis and i packed our stuff, got on a cab and headed to the woodlands checkpoint..........and when we got there, i realised i couldnt go to malaysia..........cos i had not renewed my passport...........and so wif heavy hearts, we hopped back on the cab and headed back home...........i remember being very sad cos we didnt have anymore dried cuttlefish at home...........yea........and when i woke up...........i felt very upset.............cos i realised how empty the world would be without dried cuttlefish...........*sniff sniff*...................

and from dried cuttlefish we go on to a drink that i think has been wrongfully taken out of one of our fast food franchises' menu...............the McDonald's Milkshake...........

i remember loving every drop of the milkshake when i was younger.........it was THE drink..........THE beverage to order to go with your burgers.........it was simply put.............fantastic...........i dunno y they took it out of the menu.........i jus hope one day they bring it back..............which reminds me...........there was this cooking competition called Iron Chef on tv sometime back.............and there was one episode where they made squid ink ice-cream.............doesnt sound enticing really........but the colour is really interesting..............wonder if they'll bring back the milkshake and come up wif a squid ink milkshake.......or better still, dried cuttlefish flavour..............nah.........dun think that would be nice..............

so......i guess the message today would be for us all to cherish the simple dried cuttlefish.............cos one day, when u realise u have no more dried cuttlefish in singapore, u will have to travel to malaysia to buy them.............

and bcos of the shortage of dried cuttlefish in singapore, we might have to start an education syllabus on dried cuttlefish specifically........and then for those who want to major in the subject, they would have to go to china to study about dried cuttlefish.........and then bcos of certain differences in opinions, INCONSIDERATELY cause a stir among the chinese there by making needless but hurtful remarks..................which in turn leads to deteoriating ties btwn our 2 countries..........and then "big brother" steps in wif his guns blazing..........but gets knocked off by china the sleeping giant...........which leads to the escape of "the fly (translate hor seen)"...........which leads to one huge mess.........

now u see how important dried cuttlefish is to us?

this is probably gonna be a short rant..........today it's abt our favourite message client...........ICQ.........and the pple who use it.............

everyday, when i finally decide to run ICQ, i always end up seeing a whole list of pple online...........that's good rite? cos all your frens are online too........yea rite.........tell me how good it is when 9 out of 10 are on N/A................

it's ridiculous~! what's the point of having your icq on when u arent available for the whole day?!?!?
might as well just turn off the damn thing and save yourself some memory...........sighz..........the whole world is made up of pple who are Not Avaliable..........but i am Single, Available, Young and........nvm...............

let's see...........i was fooling ard the singtel website when i came across this "my dream d8" contest thingy......basically pple put up their blogs and info on themselves for others to vote and rate.............so upon seeing some pics of the top few female contestants, i was intrigued.............seldom do you get the chance to see what a blogger looks like and good looking ones at that.............i jus wondered what these pple would have to say...........ok lah, ill admit it, i dun give a damn what they think, i jus wanna look at them.........happy?

anywayz, i soon found out that there are SOME smart and beautiful women out there..........and by SOME, i mean one so far..............i scanned through a few, and only found one who's writings made me laugh.........the rest, fly kite lah...........actually it wasnt so bad...........but i JUST had a revelation...........it dawned upon me that many girls in singapore lack a really CREATIVE sense of humour............

it jus hit me really, as im typing this now.............i mean.........guyz, think abt the girls u know...........and think abt why u laff when u r wif them...........chances are you yourself are making the jokes and actually laffing at their reactions to your jokes.......so basically, u r laffing bcos:
1. u managed to get a provoked reaction from a girl
2. she's so cute when she's teased
3. u told a joke dat's not farney
4. your teasing attempt backfired on yourself
all in all, the girl didnt make u laff bcos she was funny..............

it's true..........think abt it..........most girls i know.........lack the aptitude to spin a good tale for a good laff, or come up wif a creative story or funny way to look at something or possess a good wit...........most sit quietly and listen demurely, and raise laffs bcos of their reactions on getting teased.............or they use a very similar way, i cant find the word to describe it.........but read how they write on their blogs and u will begin to realise u are reading the same kind of stuff over and over again.............and many use the same type of self-deprecating humour...............there's actually THAT much self-deprecation that anyone would bother to listen to...........seriously, i have met VERY VERY FEW females who can hold their own in the area of humour............not saying im very farney, but jus saying, there are methods of humour that i think most women in singapore have not explored yet.............they are jus not creative enuff..............

so i find it really farney when i read that most of the contestants would impress guys most wif their "wit and humour"...................ironic isnt it.........they arent farney, but i find them farney.............ok lah..........they r farney, but not farney enuff...............

ok........im cracking up..........jus saw this really really funny scene walking back to my place.........

i was passing my neighbour's place and he was washing his car..........with his girlfriend.........wat's so funny?
well, normally it wouldnt be funny..........but this time, the girlfriend obviously had absolutely no idea how to wash a car........it was hilarious..........the lost look on her face was side splitting...........

i seriously do not know what the fella was thinking, asking his girl to help him wash the car........or maybe she volunteered to help...........den i think he's quite dumb...........either way, he's dumb...........yes, today im slamming a member of my own sex, ill slam the girl after this.............

Number 1 rule of washing YOUR car:
"NEVER trust anyone else to wash your car for u..........UNLESS the other person is a professional or u know he can wash cars REALLY well and has prior experience of doing so"
i mean how stupid can a person get to entrust his "limb", his "wife", the second biggest invesment of his life to inexperienced hands?!?!?!?

Number 2 rule of washing YOUR car:
quite the same as the first,
"Wash YOUR car YOURSELF"
washing your car is spending quality time wif it........u have to thank it after using it, after all it ferries you evrywhere u go, it keeps u sheltered and makes sure u get home or to the hotel in time for that quickie during lunch hours........and it sits patiently waiting for u to finish your not so quick quickie.........and it is your trusty steed at the race track.........where man and machine become..........one..........washing your car is bonding, pple.............bonding..........

Number 3 rule of washing YOUR car:
more or less the same as the first 2,
"Women in bikinis dun wash cars, they only wash themselves........no, they wun wax your car or anything of yours for that matter"
I seriously dunno how pple can find their cars clean after women in bikinis are done wif it..........they lean on the car, they rub themselves all over the car.........they dun use sponges to clean the car, they use their friggin breasts~!!! tho i wouldnt deny breasts are soft and.........nvm.........point is, women in bikinis do not do a good job at washing cars......they end up washing themselves in car shampoo...........now u know why such women have shiny skin, they use wash and wax car shampoos.........BUT let me say this, im not saying pple shld stop such services.............

ok.........final piece, SOME women cant wash cars.........they might know how to wash everything in the house, but they are clueless when it comes to cars.........i seriously dunno wat my neighbour was thinking..........maybe he thought he could get all wet and wild with his girl...........i dunno............u wanna get wet and wild? go take a shower together, that way u can get wet and wild all u want..........maybe she'll even throw in a free wax and polish after washing..........

and i forgot to add.............im gaining new experience in the field of pimples...........think they will be deemed invaluable considering their sizes...........and yea.........when it comes to pimples, size does matter.........there is never such a thing as a small pimple...........pimples are ALWAYS..........not big.........they are ALWAYS.......not huge..........they are ALWAYS........not enormous.........they are ALWAYS.............HUMONGOUS...........and i have gained 3 experience points today........

hmmm..........let's see what i have to gripe abt today..........nuthin really...........but while taking a bath, one of the age old un-answerable questions popped into my head.............if your wife and your mother were both struggling in the sea, who would u save first?

there have been many variations to this question........some even compare the girlfriend and mother...........which is a totally invalid question dat has a straightforward answer, save your mother first lah...........your girlfriend IS and only IS your girlfriend.............only when your girlfriend has become your wife.........then do u have dilemma........but what happens if u apply the question to your girlfriend AND your wife?

well...........think given such a situation, i doubt the man would save either........he would just find another woman..........reasoning? simple, claim insurance for wife's death, loose the extra burden of supporting a highly traumatised girlfriend who will probably in the end want u to marry her jus so she can have access to the cash u gained from your wife's insurance..................basically, wiping the slate clean and starting all over again........and with the extra cash too...........or, he could tweak it alittle...........save the girlfriend, marry her, buy insurance again, find another girlfriend...........throw both of them in the sea again.........

ok lah, that's a sadistic way of thinking..........but this stuff makes for good soap opera plots.........

anywayz, on to my answer for the age old question of who to save first........wife or mother......
given my upbringing, i think i would save my wife first.........and try to go back for my mother.........
reasoning? my mum wouldnt let me jeopardize my future for her..........awwww..........so sweet huh?
ya........think most mothers would expect the same, except maybe for those who dun get along well with their daughter-in-laws.............well............in such cases, i would think the mothers were the ones who threw their daughter-in-laws in the sea in the first place..........den decided to jump in too..........y? cos they wanted to make sure their daughter-in-laws really drowned........and then they would drown too........to escape the death penalty.........

today, im gonna gripe more abt women..........women drivers in particular.............
what do i have to say abt them..........well..........not much............jus that they are a hopeless screwed up bunch and should not be allowed on the roads for the safety of other drivers..........they are a danger to themselves, other drivers male or female.............basically, they suck.................they suck ALOT..............

my encounters with them number in the millions...........and today, cos ive had one too many shock from them, ive decided to bring up some incidents.......and SLAM them...........who's not happy? dun read lah, my blog leh.............

first off..........dunno if i have mentioned this before, the encoutner wif the carebear honda fit female driver...........one would think that a carebear owner would probably exercise more consideration for others.........i was following a few car lengths behind this honda fit that had tiny carebears decorating the rear windscreen..........and we were slowing down to exit the PIE.............we were braking lightly also.........and our dear carebear freakazoid decided to brake HARD........for what reason, i dunno.........maybe cos ants were crossing the road or she suddenly had stomach cramps..........i think it was bcos she wanted to me let me get up close and personal with her carebears..........well........i would have really luved that, but there's one tiny little problem...........my car got jealous and tried to strangle me wif it's seat belt..............crazy carebear freak........

the next incident wasnt so traumatic...........but it was highly un-nerving.............i was following this new volkswagen beetle...........and the new beetle has a big rear windscreen.............and i could see into the cabin and what the driver was doing...........now this is the interesting part...........guess what the driver was doing..........she was talking on the phone...........looking at the rear view mirror...........not to check the traffic, but to adjust her hair...........and she was driving..........normally, this wouldnt be so un-nerving...........but there's something different here..........
1. she was holding the phone on one hand........
2. she was looking at the rear mirror and doing her hair........with the other hand......
3. she was driving.........with? no hands~!!!!! wtf!?!?!?!??!

then there was another incident..........this happened abt 2 nites ago..........happened to my fren actually.........
my fren had stopped in a carpark to drop off 2 others..........and after the 2 fellas got off the car, guess what happened.........a female driver decided to try and matchmake her little hyundai accent with my fren's car door........
she was reversing out of the parking lot and banged into my fren's passenger door...........
it's ridiculous~! there were 4 girls that car~!!! 4 pairs of eyes couldnt see there was a car stationary behind them~!!!!
and never mind that, what was she doing in the first place?!?!? was she even looking at the rear vie w mirror when she was reversing out?!?!? oh i know..........maybe they were too busy talking abt how much their husbands love them or UNsatisfy them enuf.............my god...........how blur can they be...........

really, women drivers are terrible..........sometimes i thank god the automatic transmission was invented..........if not things could be worse due to their indecisiveness..............picture this.........

a female driver approaches traffic light.........she is quite a distance away, then she thinks,

"should i down shift? maybe i shld stay in this gear........wat gear am i in?" *looks at gear knob* "i think im in 3rd gear. shld i downshift now? nah, no need lah............maybe i shld downshift? oh no, it looks like it's gonna rain, did i leave the windows open at home? shld i start to brake now? but i haven't downshifted..........shld i downshift? mayb i shld call a fren and ask.....who shld i call? dun wan to call dear dear leh, later he think i cannot drive.........shld i call xxx? i wonder how she is wif her new bf..........he's quite nice actually..........wonder if she'll wanna swap swap for fun..........oh no, my hair is messy.........." *looks at mirror and adjusts hair wif one hand* "ok, think ill just brake......"

and guess wat..........she does brake, but forgets to clutch in, and viola~!!!! ENGINE STALL~!!!!!!! and nvm that, she stops and STALLS 100m away from the traffic at the light..............so she restarts the car and tries to move off again.....but the car stalls AGAIN~!!!! go figure...................

ok.....so ive said abit more than "not much"..........who cares........it's my blog..........but to be fair to the ladies, i think there are some who make really good drivers..........just that ive not met any yet.............and not all are of the type ive mentioned above...........

i have come to a conclusion y singaporean women are terrible international beauty pageant contestants...........yea, they are beautiful, but jus not gorgeous...........the finalists from other countries on the other hand are jus absolutely
G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S.....................and the next thing, their smiles...........it's like they stuck scaffolding and support beams in their mouths.........it's so damn fake.............and never mind the fake smile, their answers to the questions........have improved over the years, but still...............sigh..........i feel sorry for the comperes actually, they probably want to laff their guts out, but cant...........and have to tahan for 2hrs.........

was surfing ard jus now and found some other blogs by singaporeans..........first of all, can i say that i dun understand pple? what's wif the pictures and stuff? makes the whole blog look so cluttered.............so cluttered it hurts to even look at the damn blog...........but there are some nice blogs around.........nicely done up, a few pics and nice colour coordination that doesnt make a reader feel like he/she's stuck in a 60s-70s psychedelic timezone..............want an example? u know my answer.........heheheheee...........for the uninitiated, make a guess when i say there's only one good blog in the world........mine lah............

jialat, this blog thing is getting outta hand..........but farney how blogging has a role in my life.............there's a cycle........evrytime when sch closes, this blog is relatively untouched and not updated...........but once sch reopens i start to pay more attention to it...........and as the exams grow closer, i update it more and more..........once the exams are over, the cycle starts again.............kinda like other guyz having sex...........dun get it? if u r female, i pity your guy, pls delay your orgasm faking, he needs relief............

everyone, it's april fool's..........so let's all sit down and reminisce on all the jokes played on us today..........
1. my car heading towards the guardrail at 100km/h at "99 bend".........that was a close one.........phew
2. changing to the spare tyre after the puncture, only to find that the blardy thing's too small.............
3. realising it was april fool's day when more than 3 quarters of it was over.........

think this april fool's is the most eventful in my 23yrs of life..........
and before i end, would like to mention, last nite another man passed away in an accident on the ECP........and i might have joined him too..........cant help but feel there was some connection btwn the 2 incidents...........i dunno who the man is nor his family, but in my own way, i offer my condolences and thank my lucky stars............

alrite, here's something to ponder abt...........it's abt why pple steal..........y'know, snatch thieves and burglars and robbers and whatever lah.........

i was watching the news yesterday and they were doing a report on newly installed cctv systems in housing board lifts.........evidently the systems are helping alot and have caused a drastic drop in snatch thief crimes..........well, from the thief's point of view, u would think, y not jus use a ski mask?

well, this is where my "something to ponder abt" comes in...........y do pple steal things in the first place? i think cos it's mainly they r in need of money.........duh..........and if they are so in need of money that they resort to stealing, how do u think they can afford a ski mask? considering ski masks prob cost alot in singapore, why? primarily cos bukit timah has no snow...........and even if it had, the ski masks would be too expensive.....why? cos fines are the greatest deterrent to singaporeans...........so pple cannot afford to pay for equipment to commit crimes~!

and then u would think, y not just use stockings? dun u think it would be weird for a guy to walk into a female garment shop and buy stockings? only to later put them on his head? and if he had no money, would u think he would be stupid enuf to use his girl's used pair? either they stink like nutz, or there are too many holes on them..........well, maybe if they r desperate enuf..........and also another thing, men do not know how to wear stockings, on any part of their bodies.........they'll probably cause a tear in the stockings..........and frankly, the stockings dun seem to help much in the cover and concealment department...........y do women use them? cos it's fun for men to take it off them~!

den y not use socks? ok..........but like i said, if he needs to steal from pple, i dun think he owns a decent enuf pair of socks that will cover his face at all, there are probably holes all over the sock.........and he probably hasnt washed them for months, so he might not even stay conscious enuf to commit the crime..........and even if he managed to steal money, he might jus faint before he can get away.............or he'll need the money for treatments at the national skin centre..........

and the moral of the story here? ya, other than dun steal..............use underwear, not footwear...........that way u can double up as a pervert too so when u eventually get caught, u'll have a longer term in jail and wouldnt need to worry abt food and lodging longer..........duh

well, today has certainly been eventful..............yesterday rather.............i almost buanged the car again...........while going thru "99 bend" thank god i didnt............managed to escape a disaster..........thanks to my skillful driving i might add..........all i got was a grazed bumper and a punctured tyre..............y the tyre punctured is still a mystery though.........cos i grazed the rear bumper, but the front tyre punctured........think it was due to the tyre overheating...........anywayz, im not going to question too much, i thank my lucky stars nothing worse happened.........

and things might just turn out to be a blessing in disguise...........the tow truck guy happened to own a workshop that sells pretty inexpensive and good suspension, good option for my future upgrading plans.............and also luckily my parents are out of town.........so i can get the car back in shape before they come back...........phew.............

things were kinda weird actually..............after the incident, i was afraid it would be one of those, "oops i did it again" things, but after getting out of the car and inspecting the damage, i almost collapsed in relief.............

this doesnt mean im not going to attempt "99 bend" and "portsdown" again...........im still gonna keep trying them.........until i get them right...............and then, there'll be "upper thomson"..............one day, i will conquer all of them..........but first, the punctured tyre..............