Tuesday, May 25, 2004

A Feisty Foreigner, my BMI & Me

havent checked in for quite awhile, so thought i'll jus drop in a post........

had a run in wif one of the nubile young things at work....and i say, im impressed.....feisty little girl......i like~

happened during installation work....and the area i was working in was cordoned off following safety regulations, including a machine that this little girl wanted to use......yes, little girl.....she's only this high.......use your imagination lah.........

anywayz, she wanted to use the machine....and i asked her if she could wait jus a little while....and she started to throw one of those girly pettiness at me, "I don't want to wait."

can't wait? wear a hard hat lah......so i smacked one on her head and continued my work......and boy did dat piss her off.....anywayz......long story short, i couldnt care less abt her (i have work to finish) and ignored her ranting.....after which she jus stormed off........

well.....wat can i say.......females jus cant resist my charms.......
young little foreign girl's first brush wif a true blue local guy......cant swallow it? go back home lah......dun come to our country and throw girly tantrums or slam the pple who give you your lousy scholarships........

on to other things.....my BMI is 23~! ok lah.....23.3, but i measured my weight after dinner so it's around 23 lah.....that's the ideal BMI for asians........yea.....so im in a way, the ideal guy wif irresistable charm.........ladies, auditions start 2mrw....im too tired tonite.......

Thursday, May 20, 2004

3 x OT = ridiculous

it's the 3rd day of work, and i have done 3 days of OT........
not complaining much, but my legs arent exactly wat they used to be....anywayz, job's not that bad......jus the lousy stinking space suit.....otherwise, quite alright.....
get to watch nubile young things moving around of course good lah.........

anywayz, saw this nubile young thing sitting listening to some fella talk at a workstation today.....she was resting her chin on one hand and was giving her undivided attention to the fella......when i say undivided, i mean undivided.....for at least an hour........in the same pose.........think at the end of it all, the guy would probably have an ego the size of the factory.........

yea, maybe im envious of him......but im still gonna have my grapes and eat them....sour or not.........

errrmmmm..........anyone noticed how great jasmine trias looks? pity she lost.....she's the type of girl that most guys wouldnt bear to hurt........and boy can she shake dat....errr..........do the hula........

last one, reading my blog may suck but u've got this far so grin and bear it.......

on an episode of everwood, it was mentioned that a woman has certain desires to be held tenderly and also to be ravaged all at the same time......errrr......i dun get it......not that i need to, but women puzzle me in case u havent noticed......it's like they want the whole cake and eat it.........im sorry, i can only have one.........
anyhow, i like the ravaging part.......it sounds......fun........

errrrrmmmmm..........this does not bode well.........nubile young things......ravaging women.........i need a cold shower...........

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Working in nuthin but your PJs

well......finally got a job for the hols.........and work started today.....and yes, i got lots to gripe abt........

job involves installation of some cabling and stuff........in a wafer fab plant........
i.e. we gotta wear some sorta de-con suit while inside the factory.......

this is the first time ive been in a wafer fab plant.....and it really looks like one big slumber party except there arent any beds or mattresses......and u cant tell who's who......which is really quite exciting........it gave me an idea for how to hold a swingers party.........

at the beginning, the whole space suit thingy was pretty fun.....one minute i felt like i was in a slumber party, the next i imagined myself as a space man.....then it turned into a de-con team working on a major epidemic.........den after dat, i imagined i was in a sauna.....and after dat......i jus got damn bored and annoyed wif the suit......and to top it off.........dat was only 10mins into the day.........

so wat to do? do wat i do best........pple watch.........

i noticed alot of nubile young things working in the wafer fab plant........but being faceless and shapeless.........i could only observe their demeanour......which was equally interesting..........then there were the not so nubile young things that walked and acted like a nubile young thing........interesting still......

maybe the SDU should conduct their functions in a wafer fab plant........evryone would be faceless and evryone would be able to interact much better......all u see are eyes, hear voices and feel each other's mannerisms.........NAH~~~~ ill be the first to tear off my partner's de-con suit and see how she looks........

face it pple, this world we live in is realistic........9 out of 10 times, a couple is first attracted to each other or one to the other based on looks........

but seriously tho, it would still be nice if we could block out that part of the brain which evaluates aesthetic appeal......alternatively, we could all live in a wafer fab plant......

Sunday, May 16, 2004

The Couch Potato Revolution

First thing to get out of the way, don't ever try using mouthwash in the mornings and then have a glass of milk........rinse your mouth thoroughly before drinking anything mild like milk..........coffee and tea or water is ok........but do not, i repeat, do not drink milk after using mouthwash.......you'll realise what plastic tastes like......

and on to the maintain topic of today's post......The Great Couch Potato Revolution.

im proud to say that i am an avid supporter of the greatest revolution that has ever taken place in the history of mankind.....which revolution has ever matched one of this scale and this cause?

The Great Couch Potato Revolution is all about the wide spread and on going acceptance of the pple's acceptance of the greatest invention in history - the remote control.

i strongly believe in the many uses of the remote control......or rather having everything controlled remotely......y shld i even have to spend energy walking up to a tv set jus to turn up the volume jus a little bit more? y shld i have to get up to get a drink from the fridge? everything should be accomplished by merely a thought......accept certain things tho........sex and driving......and even then, viagra could be digitized and women's libidoes can also be remotely controlled.....the nites are gonna be longer but no longer cold and lonely........

but think abt it......arent we all heading that way? not the crazy sex thingy.....

yea, im just a lazy pig......but arent we all that way now?

Saturday, May 15, 2004

Wacko Jacko and Troy

caught Troy last nite.......was quite interesting........though the battle scenes arent as good as those on LOTR.........but the fall from grace of pretty boys in the movie makes up for that.........i think Orlando Bloom might just lose many fans after the movie......and Brad Pitt......he dies and i loved every minute of his death sequence......Eric Bana? he's no pretty boy cos the incredible hulk isnt pretty unless u have a fetish for spinach green skin.........

anyone ever noticed how each movie has it's own weird obsession wif something? like for LOTR it was abt calling each other "my love" whether male or female.....in Troy, the characters are obsessed wif staying home and shagging their women.

NOTE: they used "make love to their wives" but the characters in the movie do not play "Monogamy" but they do play "Monopoly" wif the women of the country as commodity....

which leads me to another thing........anyone ever thought abt how people in ancient times practiced contraception? especially since slavery and prostitution are age old practices......well, i remember reading something abt how they used sheepskin as condoms...........

now we know why they have to start cloning sheep.........

anywayz, i realised that ive been having pimples for at least 9yrs......i cant believe it.........then i decided maybe it's time for me to start another assault on them......so off i went to buy some benzoyl peroxide (i.e. pimple cream) to smack on my face.........and i found out later while surfin thru the net, benzoyl peroxide is also a bleaching agent........considering the amount of it ive dumped on my face, im starting to wonder how much acne michael jackson had more than me......

Friday, May 14, 2004

After Dinner Blogs

was originally doing this post before dinner when i got interrupted for dinner.....so i decided to lay it off till after dinner.........im so smart it hurts sometimes.....

anywayz, why izit that channel5 shows really crap shows during the period before and after dinner? channel I gets my vote for best dinner time programming with all its sitcoms.........alrite, the baby of singapore's family of tv channels scores~!

on to other things.......i think im losing my mojo.....again......i cant seem to find anything to write abt.....again.....this jus sucks......it's like turning 50 and losing your libido.....but then again......like i said, balance........u gotta lose something in return for gaining/keeping something.......im most probably not losing my libido so losing my mojo is gd.........

btw, im thinking of starting like a "Hot Babe of the Week" thingy......if im gonna talk abt girls, im gonna need to show some flesh around here......not mine.....

Thursday, May 13, 2004

Yadda Yadda Yadda

think i might decide to move into the living room permanently.......jus imagine this, JBL sound system, 29in TV, a nice big fan (sorry i dun really enjoy aircons), a laptop, a sofa bed and the ultimate must haves in any luxury living room - remote controls.....wat more can i ask for?

anywayz, was flipping through the channels just now and finally settled down with Yan Can Cook on channel 5.....yea, not exactly THE choice of tv programmes but im not picky...much.....

wtf is the bugger still doing on tv?!?!?!? oh, i forgot, these are re-runs.....frankly if u ask me......the fella is one big hoax......"This is very easy to do. Anyone can do it."......yea, sure anyone can do it.....dat's y u no longer have a tv show in our singapore tv schedule.......and it just occurred to me that chefs on tv really have it going for them......i mean think abt it.....they can teach pple how to make great dishes on tv and not worry abt getting bad feedback.....y? they could just simply say, "u didnt do it rite." it's all too subjective.........so u see, martin yan is actually one smart dumbass......

was reading a blog maintained by a certain Germany obsessed chick......and after reading her blog for the past wk, ill say one thing......"It's ok Chok Tong. You can't convince everyone."

not trying to put her dreams and aspirations in a bad light or anything....but i really wonder how many pple out there are the same as this SPG-to-be........and the more i read her blog, i realise how stuck onto her dreams she is, whether Germany's in the picture or not......which is good cos she has conviction.....and yet in a certain way too idealistic for comfort......then again, i remember being idealistic too.....

there is a certain thing that really concerns me......leavers are gonna be one pretty sad bunch......i'll bet that amongst all the reasoning that the world is their playground and that their hearts are still in singapore or whatever bull they can come up wif to try and justify their leaving their homeland, they still know deep down inside they have in a way, betrayed their home.......and become pple wif a lost identity....

back to the topic of the sourcrout obsessed blogger, ill just say one more thing......her future boyfriends might have some inadequacy issues to contend wif.......yep, for those who have followed my blog, u should have known this was coming.....

Lost In Punggol

jus got home from a nite of clubbing.....how was it u might ask......i guess hot and steamy might be appropriate......the club was so packed, it was suffocating......all anyone could breathe was just hot air........anywayz, was already expecting such a situation in the first place.....mambo wednesdays are known for the exchange of bodily fluids and heavy breathing and less of the dancing........

so y did i still go? it was mainly cos frens needed company......and i was eager to flaunt my new found prettiness......anywayz, there were 2 virgin clubbers to break in.....and i jus love doing such stuff.........tho next time i think ill suggest a better venue.....mambo wednesdays are considered baptisms of fire crowd-wise........

after swopping much bodily fluids and breathing heavily into the ears of girls rubbing themselves all over pple they were oblivious of including myself........i was the designated driver for the nite and had to send our 2 newly baptised clubbers home in punggol....they were pretty much stoned....cos they promptly knocked out during the ride home.....leaving my co-driver and myself to find our way back........which we unsuccessfully did for a full 1/2hr..............

but then, driving ard the punggol/sengkang area at 3+am in the morn isnt dat bad......i always enjoy a nice change of scenery every now and then......tho i think the 2 ladies in the back preferred the familiar scenery of their own beds........baptism of fire.....they were fried to a crisp..........

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

The Lunchtime Show with ME

Greetings from a foreign location~! my living room.......
yea, using my mum's notebook while watching cable tv in the living room.....it's so convenient to have a wireless connection dontchathink?

Well.....got a new look to the blog....even thrown in my profile on the side there. Now just have to throw in a list of links to make it more complete.....was getting fed up trying to alter the code of the old format.....so thought it was time for a change....

got tired of titling the prev 10 posts jus so the sidebar looks nicer.....you can see the spoils of my efforts.......ill jus post more during the next few days to do a cover up job.......

anywayz, just wanted to drop a post regarding new findings in regards to the female anatomy.........think those who caught the jacky wu show on channel U last nite will catch my drift.........trust me, my reaction is probably jus the same as any other hot-blooded male who caught the show.......as of now, im still having goose pimples.......for those not in the know, imagine a girl with breasts the size of your head.......ok lah.......dat's exaggerating.......but she was a freaking H cup~!!!! she could suffocate a man with those........she's the stuff that men build their fantasies on and a woman's worst fear......

my first thoughts of it (or them if u rather) are unimportant....cos i couldnt think....but "WTF?!?!" was all i could think of after dat.......and of course i realised her future husband would only need to buy pillows for her........then he'll just use god's gift to the world of men......yes, we have found the 8th wonder (wonders?) of the world......and im still feeling breathless.....no, im not indulging in any fantasies now.......

geez.....ball's in your court now britney.......

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

The Late Night Show with ME

well.....it's been quite a boring day.....except for some things....and nope, i havent remembered what i wanted to post this morn........

first off, blogger has finally come up wif a comments thingy for their blogs......abt time if u ask me........all the other blogging sites already have it......not providing such a feature is a bad business strategy...........so hopefully after this post, pple can comment on my posts........jus dump wat u wan at my posts......ill try to stay un-provoked shld it be unfair criticism.........

so on to the next thing.......dunno if i have mentioned this.....but ive recently found out my typing speed to be 58 words a min.........not bad huh.........yea......compared to fren's whose speed was 37........shows i got nimble fingers that can work miracles........ladies?

today, was on the way to meet a fren.....and decided to stop for petrol at my regular petrol kiosk........and the cashier was suddenly friendly wif me.......she's quite cute actually.........malay tho......but cute......so y was she frenly wif me today? i soon found out upon meeting my fren........

so off i went to meet my fren.........and while walking ard looking for her stuff, she mentioned i looked pretty.......yep........pretty......me.......pretty......

from now on, i reserve the right to be called pretty......women will have to be called handsome from now on.......

altho i do like to believe in my small little world that im jus absolutely hot and sexy everywhere, but pretty wasnt exactly the word i was hoping for.......in fact pretty wouldnt be the word any guy would be associated wif.........so that explains y the cashier was so frenly today........hmmm...........wat can i say......im just absolutely hot and sexy everywhere.....and too damn pretty to resist........

P&P

.......
i forgot wat i wanted to post.

other things first then.....
was surfing ard the net for other blogz to read....and realised nowadays pple like to post pictures of themselves......which got me wondering.....should i do that?
at the risk of losing my fan base (currently numbering only one - me), why not splash a nice big picture of myself on the blog? yea, rite.....sorry, im not a picture-y person....count the number of pictures ive taken in my lifetime and u have the number of times u have contracted a terminal disease (i.e. 0 or 1)........

y? cos it's been my life long mission to be the next Man Without a Face.....nah....actually most of the time one of the next few things happen:
1. the photographer goes blind, cos im so good looking, it hurts.
2. a pimple bursts into the lens
3. the photographer is too short, she manages to get only my chin. (yea, notice how the pple who want take photos are mostly female? and how they are mostly shorter? at least in this place called SING-A-PORE)

i dun get it......was watching episodes 19-22 of the OC yesterday....and they were going around exclaiming how being able to take photos wif your phone is the autograph of the new generation...errr.....it is? oh it is! is it really? maybe it is......convince me...

lemme try and recollect wat i wanted to post and post later.....
ohyes, I'VE GOT MY MOJO BACK~!!!! yea baby~~

Monday, May 10, 2004

I think we have a problem......

added more linkz for your viewing pleasure.........and for the guyz.....viewing pleasure does not necessarily mean porn..........yes, it's viewing and yes, it's pleasure but viewing pleasure does not mean porn........

errrr......suddenly i feel very self conscious...........forget the last bit on porn........

anywayz, thought of something weird that happened over the past weekend......
happened while i was bumming around wif my sis in her room.....she was using the computer, i was watching tv......when my father decides to gatecrash our tranquil state of boredom........

TV : *breast enhancement ad for post pregnancy mothers. pair of breasts shows on screen*
Dad: *walks into the room* "Hey, there's this show about breasts and bras tonite rite?"
Sis & I : *Are we his children?*

somebody tell me, how were we supposed to react to that?!?!??! and what kinda of reaction was he expecting from us?!?!?

Dad : *Leaves the room*
Me : "We have a problem."
Sis : "I think he's bored."

seriously, how many guyz out there actually talk to their fathers abt ladies' undergarments let alone their worldly (would like to have used globular here, but it sounded weird) assets? i dunno abt the other guyz, but I certainly dont stand around wif my dad at a shopping centre going, "Look at those Pa. How do you think Ma's compare to those puppies?"

It's ridiculous~!!!

A new addition to the family

i think im in deep shit.........im REALLY addicted to tambun piah.........ate another three quarters of a layer (i.e. 12) last nite.........and now......im paying for my over indulgence..........new pimple has grown over nite..........haiz.........i really really should watch how much i eat...........

anywayz......im running out of stuff to write abt nowadays.........seems like the hols have caused a gripe/rant block in my head.........this is bad.........my mind is turning into a barren wasteland..........sighz........hope it rains soon......

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Happy Mother's Day~!!!!

well, since this being mother's day weekend, i thought i'll jus find something interesting to write abt...........first of all, did u know that the word 'penis' does not exist in the nokia handphone dictionary? at least it doesnt in mine.............and not only that, the word 'shit' doesnt exist either..............

how can such words be left out? they r used so often...........maybe not 'penis', but 'shit' is...............so how could nokia have left left out such words.........talk abt low quality control...........but if im not wrong, the word 'fuck' exists in the dictionary..............wat gives?!?!

and a few days back, i learnt that tau sar piah is also called tambun piah...........or tambun biscuit for the linguisticly impaired...........and no it's not pronounced as tam-bun.........it's tam-boon.............so tam-boon for the linguisticly impaired.........anywayz, yes, i think im suffering from an addiction to tambun piah...........everytime i walk into the kitchen and see the box of tambun piah, i cant help feeling the need to feel the soft crumbly melt in your mouth texture of the tambun piah..............

i guess im paying for my tambun piah OD episode.............my pimples are going cuckoo on me...........this sucks......so boys and girls...........what have we learnt today? too much of a good thing is bad..........but dat doesnt mean that too much of a bad thing is good either................

and finally, mother's day is 2mrw..............so i think it would be best not to use the phrase "son of a bitch" during these 2 days..............

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

is it possible for a person to OD on tau sar piah?
i think so..........and symptoms of OD include a sudden pimple outbreak of humongous proportions.........i guess this is what i get for finishing 16 tau sar piahs in one sitting..................but they r so delicious..................so irresistable...........so flaky........and they jus crumble in your mouth..............would probably have finished the whole damn box (32 in a box) if it were not for some self-restraint..............

think i would have done myself in by finishing the whole box.............as it is im suffering the consequences for 1/2 a box......and ladies, that small little dot on your face is a lousy excuse for a pimple...........compared to those im having now, yours is hardly a skin rash....................

though i think there's more to this outbreak than just tau sar piahs...........think it's due to the lack of sleep the past few days...............as a matter of fact, beauty sleep is very real for me...........seems like if i keep more regular hours of sleep, my face more or less does a mr hyde to dr jekyll flip in one of the nites.............really~!!!!

now u see my obsession wif trying to get a marathon sleep session going...............

Monday, May 03, 2004

alrite...........here's something new to ponder abt while u are eating...............actually eating tau sar piah in particular.........basically it goes like this..........

we all know dat tau sar piah comes on boxes which have 2 or more layers of tau sar piah in them...........so when u start eating from the box, u have to finish the whole damn layer..................y? leaving one tau sar piah is the same as leaving none.........leaving a lonely tau sar piah in a layer to contemplate it's pre-determined destiny is just plain cruel and inhuman........so leaving one tau sar piah in the layer is wrong........it is the same as leaving 2 tau sar piahs to fend for themselves in the dark box while waiting for their timely demise....................dat's cruelty to pastry.............

then wat abt eating just one tau sar piah? well, dat's just plain cruel in more ways than one...........first of all, u will be causing needless worries among the other tau sar piahs............they might start fretting too much abt their one tau sar piah brother being thrown away into a dust bin and rotting his life away instead of ascending to tau sar piah heaven........and den reincarnating as useful fertilizers..................

secondly, and most importantly, we humans have a god given duty to dispatch our dear tau sar piahs as quickly and as timely as possible.............we owe it to them since they form the frontline in our war against snacking hunger..........lest our frontline crumbles and falls apart due to the harmful phenomenon called "lao hong".............

thus, is the reason why we mus think abt the food we eat..............tau sar piahs in particular.............

Sunday, May 02, 2004

ladies and gentlemen................i am proud to present to you..........the BOREDEST of BORED pple living on this fooking boring planet.............me...........

fuck......i was so farking bored i went and joined 2 more forum sites................and for wat? cos i was jus too farking bored..............stupid thing was, after joining, i looked at the forums they had on the sites and realised none of them interest me.............

i guess im just not interested in yakking abt things such as "which school i am from" or "have you been on a blind date" or reading abt pple confiding to their forum mates abt the bad day they had or blah................actually...........crapping on this blog is no better................i need to find something constructive and interesting to do................i need to find myself a part-time job..............either that or something to do wif my hands..............any ladies wanna help?

ok...............this sucks..........but it's not to say i wasnt expecting this in the first place..........i am supremely bored...........yea...........it's that time of the semester again.............it sucks..........well............kinda expecting it really.........and this blog might not be updated that often already since there really isnt much happening ard for me to gripe and rant abt.........so it's a long wait until the next sem b4 i will have anything constructive to write abt..........

and yes, wat i do write is constructive.............while wat i do day by day is unproductive.............studying is unproductive........the only things it has produced so far are the pimples on my face...........which by the way has not let up despite the 'unofficial' end of the exams............in fact more have popped up...........literally...........think it's the lack of proper sleep.............but i slept 10hrs last nite~!!! tolong lah..............gimme a break from the pimples~!!!!!

here's a thought..........
there are many ways of exchanging bodily fluids btwn 2 pple...........and bursting pimples are at the bottom of the list........i wouldnt even call it exchanging fluids anymore..........duno if pus qualifies as a fluid...........